One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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