So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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