4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
