They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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