The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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