remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
