dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
