i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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