Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize