Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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