I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
