i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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