i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
