Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
two words...techno handjob
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
