I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
