hell yes lets make some ravioli
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if only i could text you this smell
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
