so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize