I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
