haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize