I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
