Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
