I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
