eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
