C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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