i permit you to call me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
