Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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