It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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