Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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