and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
