doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
