You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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