you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
