I hate your face
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
