So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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