You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Blood and glitter go together right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
