that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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