I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
