After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am in a vortex of obligation.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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