I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
