So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im holly from the hills drunk
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
