I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
