I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
