those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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