I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize