It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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