I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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