the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
