It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
