Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
