He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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