Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
