It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
