Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
