I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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