The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
