I faked an abortion last night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize