So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
