I cockslap morals
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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