I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
