last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Bring me that man meat
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
