she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
