Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
