I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
