So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
