O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
