Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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