His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
