Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
