I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize