So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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