lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
