did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
