So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
