My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
